I have been coaching for a few years now, and the significant thing I have learnt – both for me and from my clients – is that inner confidence is the key that holds everything.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behaviour and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but superfluous if the foundation is lacking. That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and bring out who you are – here are the three keys to undeniable inner confidence.
Personal values are a big passion of mine. I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that. They are the core things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are, and they are the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that is the most significant to you: and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.
Why do some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It is because one or more of your ideals are forbidden, denied, or repressed in a certain way – and we perceive this as a negative experience because it denies a fundamental aspect of who you are. Do you know those times when you have felt truly alive, awesome or buzzing? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honoured; you can continue to experience the same by living according to them.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they are always there, just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to align and make choices in your life around them. It is so simple and feels amazing because all that means is that you are permitting who you are to live in the real world.
- Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle, you need to exercise it so that it does not shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By performing workouts designed to work that muscle over time until you achieve the desired outcomes.
Confidence is the same way. Suppose you are the kind of person who just takes minimal risks, the kind of person who spends every day doing what needs to be done and doing it well without truly challenging yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too terrifying, or because you tell yourself, ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am,’ or ‘I don’t want it anyhow.’ That kind of individual lives inside the boundaries of what they know and what makes them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they really are and, as a result, the less confident they become.
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To train your confidence muscle you must be willing to take risks – big or small. Arise and be ready to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. Open yourself up to the possibilities around you. Push yourself to increase your knowledge, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibly the more confident you need to be: and the more confidence you will develop. That is your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?
